we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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