can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
