The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
