You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
