He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
