I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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