Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You are the jesus of drinking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
