i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
