I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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