Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
