Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
