It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
