i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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