I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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