I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
