Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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