so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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