So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
