I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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