pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
