went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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