she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
