sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
