4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
