I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
