I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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