she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
