the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is wine microwaveable?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
