lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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