GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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