I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
