Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
