Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
