M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
