That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
