the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
