She's JV to your varsity
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize