Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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