you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
