i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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