my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
