just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
