he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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