I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
