Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
