Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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