I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
