i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
