Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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