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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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