Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
