Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
