i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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