Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
