So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
