he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
