are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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