i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
