the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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