Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
