I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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