mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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