Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
