you traded sex for a burrito?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
