Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
