I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
