My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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