If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
