don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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