Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my being single is dangerous.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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