you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
