Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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