So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
