I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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