My brain says no but my pants say off.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
