after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
