I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
