the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
